My Inaugural Poem

categories: Cocktail Hour / Don't Talk About Politics


All eyes on 2018! Let’s take these fuckers down!

Our Portland, Maine, Other Inaugural Read-In was yesterday, huge turnout, great sister feeling with millions of marchers worldwide and tens of thousands right here in Maine, huge multicultural turnout for the Ball, thousands of dollars to go to the Immigrant Legal Assistance Project of Maine. All eyes on 2018. Let’s take these fuckers down!  Here is my Inaugural Poem, since Trump didn’t have one:

Inauguration, 2017


Donald, congratulations, and thanks for

making me inaugural poet.  I’ve always wanted

to do this.  And I think we’re a good pair

No lofty language, just practical phrases,

in as few words as possible.  Happy.


Great pick on secretary of State

Rex Tillerson, cool.  You’re a big man

and won’t mind someone out there

who’s got maybe more business

acumen than you.  I mean who might

be seen as being a big-hands guy.


But he knows Putin, and rumor has it

well, we don’t care about rumors, do we.

Rumors, sad.

… But they have it that Rex and Vladimir

are pretty close.  Like really, really close.


You’ve been in threesomes before—

that’s no secret.  And you know in

threesomes there’s always someone who

doesn’t get as … wet, let’s say.


Maybe better to put in someone who’s

your lesser.  Just in case, you know?

Hillary, for example.  That’d shame her

–travelling all over the world under

your domination?


And why stop there.  Fill your cabinet with

libtard cucks and socialist wimps—that way, see

there’d be no one around

to make you look bad.


Hmm.  That education lady?  She’s pretty rich.  She’s

probably quite a bit richer than you.  You gonna let

her tell the school children who’s rich and who’s not? Not on your life.

But Diane Ravitch—she’s poor.  Of course she’s

poor! Always whining about the have nots:

It turns you into one.


Proposal: Not too late to make Bernie

Vice President.  Pence, you know—

they say he looks presidential.

He gives you that side eye.

I’ve seen it on TV.  We all have.

Bernie’s too old to strangle anybody.


But Pence.  You see the forearms on that guy?

Reince Priebus didn’t tell you about who would take your place?

My point exactly.  These people, they don’t tell you anything.

Michael Moore, much better chief of staff—

at least you know where he stands.

And just standing there he’ll make you look thin.


Just looking out for you, Mr. President.

Just looking out for you.

  1. John Coats writes:
  2. Kathy Bader writes:

    Is this Peter Onuf?