Gessner Receives Four-Post Suspension for “Boothgate”

categories: Cocktail Hour / Don't Talk About Politics


kenyon review

The explosive photograph

The National Bloggers League today handed down a four-post suspension for David Gessner, Captain of the world-champion blog Bill and Dave’s Cocktail Hour.  Fans were left wailing and enemies gloating. “I feed off their hatred,” said Mr. Gessner in a rare comprehensible moment. He was suspended in part for his brazen capture of the Kenyon Review table at AWP 2015 in Minneapolis, but also for his comments afterwards.  “I never denied it,” he says.  And, “I have the utmost respect for the Ken Doll Review.”  His partner in crime, head coach Bill “Billychek” Roorbach, who arrived on the scene late but in time for shots of contraband whiskey, received a lighter penalty–he must sit with Dave in the writing shack during the suspension–without alcohol. “Harsh, that’s what I call it,” says Roorbach, the best writer in America and beyond (rated slightly better than Dave in most polls).  “…And besides, I was napping during the alleged piratical behavior.”  As a final measure, the NBL will crash Bill and Dave’s four times in the 2015-2016 season, always just as Dave’s and Bill’s books have the usual big news to share.  And no more AWP.


Further Evidence

Left at the scene of the crime

Left at the scene of the crime “Fifth anniversary of depravity, we call it,” says the BPL

  1. kate sidwell writes:

    you guys are so fun, wish life were full of more of you and less of the stuff that fills our heads. Go boys, whatever it takes, Its all spin all the time most of it and marketing. I saw Bill Maher jab at whistler blower, Erin Brockovich for dying her hair while crying foul for toxic dumps. What next the BP Spill, cancer alley in N O owned by Monsanto and Shell everyone there I know has had serious life threatening cancer, Still ….
    and hair dye really, but I don’t know maybe it is toxic at 68 plus I love hair dye? Pick your poison> What is the world about? Watching the marathon of Mad Men it truly is the story of our time, us fifties kids who grew up with The Graduate.

  2. Sarah Savage writes:

    What a mockery of justice! The findings clearly state they were “generally aware” of this wrongdoing (which is the most awareness we generally get out of them). Yet they get a mere slap on the wrist for flouting canonical ethics and epistemological authority that we fans hold unquestioningly dear. These bearded barbarians may think they are the cartoon incarnations of Emma Goldman and Edward Abbey, or the virtual Lou Gehrig to the Kenyon Review’s Wally Pip, or, to use another non-sequitur sports metaphor, the Tom Brady to KR’s Drew Bledsoe, but they are charlatans and flim-flam men hawking buttons from carpet bags. Let’s deflate their egos for this incomplete pass: Get thee to a shackeree, booze-free, for eternity!

    • Bill writes:

      I see where you got your name! And not the Sarah part… But we will win you over, and you will march for us, button on lapel, Bill and Dave’s Anthem on your lips!

  3. kate sidwell writes:

    Cheaters never prosper ya ya ya ya ya ya ya. that humans bet the family farm on betting on the outcome of games, head games, any games it one of the great wild experiences of life. When in Rio last year I learned that the world games in the old stadium, caused mass suicide when they lost to Uraguay, many had bet the farm on Brasil winning, No different in the ecowriting world , I think Davids moves look intelligent if unfortunately being brought into question? Yikes the writing shack without alcohol , can you call the muse without mind altering substances? I heard recently that nicotine is a great serotonin elevator. ? What can be used. Santoria, hexes, spells, or just strategy to get priority booth placement . Worth thinking about and writing about but in the Writing Shack? Who knew

  4. Dinty Moore writes:

    Billychek has always been a liar. (Except for his memoirs, which are excellent.)

    • Bill writes:

      I’ve heard him called Bilicheat. By Lundgren. Another Bill… Dinty Moore, we love you!

  5. Jan Ellison writes:

    I’m not sure I buy Roorbach’s napping alibi. I believe he was actually drinking in the hotel bar with unsuspecting novelists. Either way, I suppose he can’t be held responsible for the interns under the tables, only the novelists who have drunk themselves into a similar position.

    • Bill writes:

      Well, that’s certainly our argument in court–with so many people tied up under tables, how can you possibly apportion blame? Of course we think the whole thing’s been blown out of proportion…

    • Bill writes:

      As for napping–my students often said they couldn’t tell. One of my colleagues started his class observation of me like this: “If Roorbach were any more laid back, he’d be asleep.” Well, it’s up to the jury now.

  6. Margaret Goode writes:

    I thought I joined this already, but maybe not.

    More cowbell.


  7. Elizabeth Hilts writes:

    This is just WRONG. Gessner’s appropriation of a clearly abandoned booth is nothing more than an example of free speech.
    Also: If Billycheck was sleeping, why is he being punished?
    The only good that can come out of this is if both of these outstanding players use their time in the writing shack well.

    • Bill writes:

      Sadly, there is no appeal. I think the “abandoned booth” theory is strong, despite the tied-up editors and interns found under the tables…