Guest contributor: Katherine Fritz
Bad Advice Wednesday: Twelve Habits of People Who Don’t Give A Shit About Your Inner Peace
categories: Bad Advice / Cocktail Hour
63 comments
Katherine Fritz
Every damn time someone in my facebook feed posts something like this, I click it. Every damn time.
We all have this facebook friend, right? People you genuinely love and admire. People you like hanging out with. People you invite to your birthday parties. You know. Actual friends. Until you’ve clicked links exactly like this again and again and again. For YEARS. And all of a sudden, you start to wonder if this is some elaborate hoax, if you’ve actually just been reading the same article over and over.
It’s not like I have anything against happiness, or success, or meditation, or yoga, or being nice, or smiling more, or eating healthy, or losing weight, or being your best you, or embracing the day with a positive attitude. Those all sound great. Honestly, they do. And there are some really smart, simple truths to be found in all of those articles. There truly are.
It’s just that I have a problem with being told to do all of those things by skinny blonde ladies laughing on a beach wearing yoga pants.
Don’t believe me? Take the challenge. Next time you read one of these articles, I dare you not to play Inspirational Photo Bingo:
Still don’t believe me? Compiling these photos took LESS THAN FOUR MINUTES.
I can’t fucking remember the last time I pranced around a tropical island paradise waving a white scarf around my head as a professional photographer snapped a picture, but I bet if I did, I’d be a whole lot happier too.
Below please find my version of this article, which I want to share with you, the Internet. May it bring you all the inner peace you can cram into your backpacking gear right before downward dogging it atop that mountain at sunrise.
- Do whatever the fuck you want.
- Do whatever the fuck you want.
- Seriously, do you want that burger? Then just fucking eat a burger. Don’t be gross about it, and don’t eat a burger three meals a day. But I beg you, women and image-conscious male humans of the world, stop beating yourself up about it and just eat the fucking burger.
- Do whatever the fuck you want.
- Have good friends. Call them. Complain a little. That’s what friends are for. Return the favor. Don’t be a shitty friend.
- Learn how to laugh about farts. Fart more. Laugh about it.
- Be incessantly curious about the world around you! Experience art, science, beauty, and nature! But stop beating yourself up on those nights when you just want to sit your ass on the couch and watch reruns of Friends.
- Smile when you feel like smiling. Laugh whenever you fucking feel like laughing. Pro tip: Being told to ‘laugh more’ is not going to make you laugh more. Being told to ‘smile more’ is not going to make you smile more.
- Make time for yourself. After you’ve run that 5K, started a load of laundry, harvested your organic vegetable garden, run to the bank, paid the bills, dazzled everyone with recipes that are cost-effective, healthy, and delicious, thought of something witty and clever to share with your social networking site, caught up on current events and politics, and cleaned all of the house, that special hour set aside just for you is so critical to your well-being.*
- Do whatever the fuck you want.
- Don’t care what other people think. Unless they’re right. In which case, fucking humble yourself enough to listen to them.
- Do. Whatever. The Fuck. You Want.
Do what you want. Be your damn self. Don’t be a terrible person. Be nice to others. Be supportive of your friends and allow yourself to give them the benefit of the doubt when they want to try something new, like rescuing shelter dogs, or making performance art in the nude, or dating terrible people. They’re your friends and you love them, and if they suck, stop being their friend. Show up for work. Pay your bills. Find some fucking purpose in your life, and figure out a way to share that purpose with others in a way that isn’t sanctimonious and doesn’t involve a picture of a woman laughing at an empty beach. Smile because something makes you smile. Laugh because you’ve surrounded yourself by people who make you laugh, and they’re funny fucking people, and you’re happy to be with them. Dance because you’re drunk at a big dance party with your friends and Michael Jackson is playing, not because ‘no one is watching.’ Everyone is watching. We’re at a fucking party. That’s how parties work.
Do whatever the fuck you want.
And the next time one of you has the kind of spare cash around to take a prancercise vacation to a tropical island, for the love of all that is holy please bring me with you. I am excellent at waving scarves around but even better at buying drinks with tiny umbrellas.
*And I don’t even HAVE KIDS! Or a husband! Or a boyfriend! I can’t even imagine how condescending that advice must feel to working moms. As someone who works all the time and can barely remember which day of the week the trash gets taken out: making time for yourself seems like one of the cruelest bits of advice of all. I’ll make plenty of time for myself. ONCE I FINISH ALL OF THE THINGS.
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Katherine by Katherine
Katherine Fritz, now a costume designer in Philadelphia, was one of Bill’s 100 favorite students at Holy Cross, back in the day, like five years ago. She has a great blog called “I Am Begging My Mother not to Read This Blog,” which is where this piece first appeared. She wrote it while wearing sweatpants and eating a grilled cheese sandwich. She was not expecting it to go viral. 100,000 views on its first day! “The internet is magical and weird,” were her last words before disappearing into her computer screen.
Do.
Whatever.
The Fuck.
You want.
After you’ve done your homework.
(And if anyone else says “go girl” I’m going to start prancing around with a scarf.)
To take your bad advice… I like my sentimental messages brought to me by blondes waving around scarves. I like it in the ‘real’ world too.. it makes it easier for me to approach them because I already know I love them.
My soulmate! I thought was the only one who had a “laugh about farts” rule. Farting without restraint would be offensive, and there’s no question a couple’s in trouble when they fart without restraint in each other’s presence. However, farts in the abstract are extremely funny because every single human does them. Every single one.
my, we’ve got a little potty mouth, don’t we? and yoga is evil; it’s from an an eastern/pagan religion
needs more galloping on white horses on beaches
Just as I was in the start of a mental breakdown because I’m 44 and still haven’t figured out what I want to be when I grow up I stumble onto this! I can now relax!!! Thank you for sharing!
Hell, I’m retired and still don’t know what I want to do in life. What I did, though, was a blast!
Are you sure these aren’t all feminine hygiene product ads?
Yup, that was my first thought…
The only thing that gives me inner peace is women laughing alone with salad. http://womenlaughingwithsalad.tumblr.com/
HA! Like any of those women could eat an ENTIRE salad in one sitting! (Also, notice the complete lack of croutons, cheese and ranch on those salads? What in the world could they be smiling at?!)
Being thin and not fatigued all the time. That’s what the side effects are of not eating sugar,wheat and trans fats!
Yeah, but what fun is a world without sugar, wheat, and trans fats? Seriously? I like me some juicy, red steak and pecan pie. Just sayin 😉
Well maybe its all about a hair color company! blondes have more fun. I think the realization is their are people that actually live like this.
I’m shocked at your suggestion! Surely these images can’t be twee and misleading. The lady in the second last pic has the sun shining out her bum so she must be enlightened?!
I totally agree. Yesterday I was happy dancing all over twitter because I am about to (finally) get disability access at university (I have REALLY BAD eyesight). But I was HAPPY DANCING. Dramas nearly over, disability access nearly sorted. And some f*wit a*hole decided to ruin my party because SHE decided (with her total absence of medical qualifications or any understanding of my disability whatsoever) that I need EMOTIONAL FREEDOM THERAPY to fix my eyesight. Like prancing on the beach is going to grow me a new macula and make my skin darker, fixing my woes. She went on and, just then, went on AGAIN because SHE’S RIGHT and WON’T LET UP EVEN AFTER I’VE BLOCKED HER, TWITTER STILL LETS HER TWEET AT ME and she is telling me that MY DISABILITY IS MY FAULT BECAUSE I WON’T DO THIS EMOTIONAL FUCKING THERAPY.
-_-
If you’re interested in the full ranty blog that doesn’t have an update re my latest gripe, please feel free to peruse. http://www.darkmatterfanzine.com/dmf/smug-bastards-develop-emotional-fantasy-therapy-eft/
If you’re not into ranty blogs GOOD FOR YOU but live and let live. Let’s none of us prance around pretentiously. Let’s all just get on with life, without blaming the less fortunate for the genetic lottery.
cheers.
Go girl. Totally agree. We’re all too bound up with these perfect women pics. Real life is whatever makes you happy now. Not a hundred years from now. Not picture perfect. Not getting along with everyone. Stick out. Be that sore thumb. Get into the life you want to lead. Let go let go let go and be free. Whatever you want. Unique already perfect and going for it.
Perfect!
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!!!
We all spend so much time feeling bad about what we don’t do..
How about celebrating all we have done!! Live Life to its fullest…
P.S. I WILL NEVER PANCERCISE!!! LOL
Fantastic. Sometimes a little Words with Friends gives life meaning.
Holy crap, I love this. Thank you.
“It’s just that I have a problem with being told to do all of those things by skinny blonde ladies laughing on a beach wearing yoga pants.”
They probably weren’t blonde, you just remember them that way because you have a prejudice against blonde women.
Of the ten photos you posted where the woman’s hair color is visible, only two of them are blonde.
Stop using blondes as a stereotype. Or if you’re going to do it, don’t act like what you’re doing isn’t wrong.
from a non non blonde
The “stereotype” for blondes is dumb. Don’t be so defensive. It’s a joke!
You’re not a non non blonde, you’re blonde deal with it, move on.
AS the official Bill and Dave’s dumb blond, I say: Can’t we all just get along?
You misspelled Blonde
Blond for males in U.S. usage. Also when it’s an adjective.
I can’t figure out if this post is a joke – because there are at least 3 blondes in these photos. Ironic?
Plus she only looked for pictures for four minutes. That’s a low sample size.
I love you and if I were not married and we were both at least bisexual I would propose marriage right fucking now.
thank you. more than I can say. thank you. thank you .thank you.
You’re incorrect in that laughing more (even forcing it) won’t make you happy. There’s a “wag the dog” effect—smile more, laugh more, and your brain will respond.
Nonetheless, I like this post.
Sorry, but the author is correct. “Pretending to laugh” is faking a laugh. And your body knows it. Your brain is not so stupid to think “a laugh is coming out of my body’s mouth, so I must be happy.”
Exactly. As someone with depression (and a whole laundry list of other mental health diagnoses), faking a laugh does not work. As Nalini put it so eloquently, people without any training or experience will try to tell you what you need to do to fix yourself, and if it doesn’t work then it’s all your fault.
Making time for yourself FIRST is actually quite important. I used to not do that and my son suffered for it, my job suffered for it, and I was frazzled, tired, and always hungry (had to be places for other people and didn’t have time to eat). I decided to take care of me, my son, and other people IN THAT ORDER and now my head is clearer for my work and I’m more pleasant to my son.
You forgot to say smoke lots of pot….
It can help you do all of the above…especially the smiley part!! Hahahaha!
Might be a function of age (hope not) when you actually stop caring what anybody else thinks; no freedom quite like it. Like sitting down to work at the end of a long day with a jar of Nutella and a spoon. I’ve been here for awhile and I wouldn’t trade it for money. There’s this couple who came up with ‘ Fuck it ‘ therapy who actually do workshops now in Stromboli on this very thing! Great post. Perfect. Pithy and fearless. Ooh and just one blonde joke~ How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool….I think prancerscizo is really apt for that blonde jumping the dance of the seven veils over the bermuda blue water….
I’m not her mother so I am now following her blog. Because I fucking want to.
I really needed to read this today. Yet, I will resist my (want/urge) to jump off the ledge.
Your happiness photo bingo is true, minus the posing humans. That polka dot dress is super swell, indeed.
I highly recommend lanikai beach in Oahu to get your bliss on, if you get the chance…
No yoga pants required.
Ha! I used to live a block from Lanikai beach.
True happiness.
Those photos – they’re all ads for menstrual products.
Fuck yeah. That was awesome! And I cursed because I’m doing whatever the fuck I want to. In reality, fantastic post. This is the kind of mentality and raw emotion that we all need to live by. Bravo.
I like the guy in the backpack saluting an indeterminate cardinal compass point.
I was next to a blond in yoga pants yesterday at Shaw’s who was buying two quarts of Allen’s Coffee Brandy. This would explain a lot about the scarf dancing.
I think the mountain guy’s big watch means something, too…
He’s compensating for his Prius.
I’d be fulfilled if only my watch could tell me the ambiant pollen count in seventeen time zones.
Hilarious, Will!
Two quarts of Allen’s Coffee Brandy? I believe you mean a “Maine Martini”. Pour into a 3/4 empty gallon of milk and garnish with a flannel shirt and fishing pole.
Love it all!
Bless you non skinny non blonde!
from another non skinny non blonde.
Hilarious, Katherine! I can’t believe you found all those photos of me…Hey, you can borrow my polka dot dress any time you want to go running!
Just read on Katherine’s blog, “I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog” (which see, it’s great), that she’s had almost 300,000 hits on this post, expecting nothing special! Whoa. Nice one, KF.
Just want to ditto what Monica Wood said. And pull-quote the dance at a party line as my comment when I post the link on my fb page. And have an umbrella drink. On an island. In the sun.
I love this the most: “Everyone is watching. We’re at a fucking party. That’s how parties work.” Thanks for an, um, uplifting moment on a draggy morning! I think I’ll polish off breakfast with a piece of chocolate.
There is a truth behind these skinny yoga obnoxious friends, but I don’t think they see it. Health is important, but so is honesty, as in posting on fb with an actual picture of you. I agree with your assessment, and your strong view about doing what we want. I do hope to hear more from you.
PS: the F word is much more powerful when unexpected, or spoken 🙂
Thierry, comment dit-on “Do whatever the fuck you like” en Francais?
No direct translation. Fais ce que tu veux, bordel..
For the French edition!
Keep me posted!
Is it “Le Prancercise” or “La Prancercize?”
La Prancercize would be the Spanish version.
Not El Prancercize? Or Prancerscizo?
Needed to hear this…Thank you…will definitely be back for more…
“Prancercise.” I can die now.
I agree Monica. My word of the day.