Jun 11
Hollywood Hit List: A Few Things We Never Need to See in Any Movie Ever Again
categories: Cocktail Hour
10 comments
1. SLOW MOTION AVOIDANCE OF SLOW MOTION BULLETS
2. ACROBATIC SLOW MOTION AVOIDANCE OF SLOW MOTION BULLETS
3. THE CHILDREN OF STARS
4. ANY KIND OF FISH OUT OF ANY KIND OF WATER
5. LAME SECRET IDENTITIES
6. HUMAN SHIELDS
(SEND ALONG MORE AND I’LL DRAW ‘EM UP!)
Gratuitous sex scenes.
Good guys who avoid machine gun fire while picking off bad guys one by one.
Climatic fight scenes where the grossly out-numbered good guy has killed all the bad guys and it comes down to just him and the head bad guy, who turns out to be an excellent fighter who cheats.
On-screen cigarette smoking.
Sequels with no originality.
Bald villians. Bald is the clue. As in bald as a soft-boiled egg.
A person about to fall from a great height, grabbed onto and held by another person with one hand, and then pulled up to safety, also with just one hand.
I am expecting a drawing of this.
-Meet cutes
-“Too” career driven women being taught how to loosen up (aka “be more feminine”) by some laid back dude (usually played by Matthew Mcconaughey)
–too career driven man being taught to loosen up by a “free spirited” (ditzy) female
–any type of body switching movie (though still loved Freaky Friday)
–movies without intelligent dialogue (whoops, there goes 90% of the movies out today)
–movies (like “Now You See Me”) that prioritize action and special effects over talented actors
I may watch too many and care too much about movies.
Villains who aren’t oil companies or megabanks!
Oh, wait!! The worst one of all! Spitting out your coffee because somebody said something oh-so-surprising.
“She’s smart, funny, and beautiful.” Really? If she were truly all three she wouldn’t be going out with your fat, broke, bland arse. What the heck is it for the past 10 years with ugly dudes with hot chicks?
Drinks thrown in faces.
hangovers
fast, furious cars
But what about Nina?
token girlfriend/wife character who is just there to look sexy/disapproving/supportive in a few scenes while the men do the exciting and funny things