New Book Tour Coming: Sartorial Advice Appreciated

categories: Cocktail Hour / Reading Under the Influence

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From time to time invaluable advice arrives in my email inbox.  And while I pride myself on my excellent shampooing skills and first-class Banana Republic and Reny’s (A Maine Adventure!) closet, I’m not exactly a GQ model.  So this anonymous note that came via my website, really made my day.  I’ll take it to heart as I go out on tour with The Girl of the Lake.  Very lightly redacted to protect the sender’s privacy:

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Dear Bill, Can I call you Bill. I was at your reading in B______ and I have some ideas for you. Now if you happen to take this personally, oh well.It occurred to me that you were not dressed in relatively new LL Bean khakis and a fairly new plaid shirt. As a matter of fact, to tell you the truth Bill, your apparel seemed wrinkled and, being up front, here, soiled. Like a human had been wearing the shirt, shorts, even the shoes, for 3 days or so. Maybe 2.

I also noticed your hair. Now I am someone who doesn’t labor over combing my hair because it’s long and a little unwieldy. So I thought – silently- I don’t think he’s cleaned or combed his hair for a couple days. Now, all of this kind of fell together for me at the end when you said you were looking for a new agent. That really went right to my heart strings because I am too. I am extremely talented- 12 poetry collections plus brilliant political and cultural analysis.  Now I haven’t looked for a publisher or an agent. I have had exactly one poem published in the Maine Sunday Telegram. But I might get one or the other or both. So it was killing me when you said you don’t have one either. I thought if I ever try to find an agent, I am not going to dress – female clothes not male- like he does plus I will comb my hair before I do go to the appointment. Here’s what I’m getting at. Have you tried that?